YOU, YOUR SEX LIFE AND HRT: DIFFERING VIEWS
When Libby Hathorn and Glenn Bates interviewed more than 130 Australian men and women aged up to fifty-five for their book Half-Time, they commented on the diversity of views that women participants held on sex. Regardless of whether they had reached menopause or not, some women found sex disappointing, and less enjoyable as they got older: it wasn’t fulfilling; it had become mechanical, lacked excitement and adventure; or their partner was insensitive to their needs and feelings. The opportunity to reduce or discontinue sexual activities under the socially acceptable excuse of ‘sexless middle age’ was for some a great relief. However, most felt that with age came greater self-confidence, less anxiety, a deep satisfaction in their sexual relations, and a greater enjoyment of cuddling and shared sexual intimacies than they had ever thought possible.
Women who had reached menopause also had varied views on sex. Some had lost interest in it and were not concerned at seeing it lose some of its significance in their lives, while others were taking more initiative in sexual relations. Though women said they needed to have more direct stimulation to get aroused during sex, and orgasms were less frequent for some, they still felt a strong sexual drive and found the total sexual experience very pleasurable.
Feedback from women about their experiences of sex at and after menopause confirms this range of views. Some, such as Betty, who fell in love with a younger man while in her fifties, view sex as a crucial part of the relationship. ‘I feel good about myself and about my partner, and wonderful sex seems to flow from that. Since I’m no beauty, I’ve always tried to make sure I’m interesting company: this means spending time regularly on activities that extend my interests and challenge me. My partner and I are very conscious of looking our best for each other, and so eating healthy foods and taking regular exercise have become part of our life together.’
Others we spoke to had found new opportunities for romance, triggered by a change of partner, a variation or development in the relationship with their existing partner, a greater acceptance of themselves, or simply a freedom from anxieties about contraception and pregnancy. Other couples had compensated for joyless sex by developing satisfying non-sexual activities, or else sex had been relegated to the background because one or other partner felt overwhelmed by problems associated with dependent children, dependent parents or inlaws, or financial burdens.
June’s life is full of pressures from which sex provides no release. She has effectively vetoed sex with her husband, declaring her unwillingness to put any more energy into it. In doing so, she admits that she is also making a statement about her dissatisfaction with her husband for letting himself ‘go to seed’.
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